im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
