Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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