This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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