I seem to have left my pride at pride
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
