i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
