Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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