why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
