Well douche your snatch and let's go!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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