I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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