Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
