if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
