Pappa wants mamma naked
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
