I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
