bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
