What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
