Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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