Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
