I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
