it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
