i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
