Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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