dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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