I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
