new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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