Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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