Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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