Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
