Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
