Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
