High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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