So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
