The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
