I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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