Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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