Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if only i could text you this smell
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
