He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
