he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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