I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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