seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
