It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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