U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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