i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
