I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
