You just made me feel so damn special
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
