Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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