We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I believe in your delicious
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
