Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
