Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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