Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
