Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
