i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
