It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
