Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
